I was born in Erith, Kent on the 2nd July 1959 in a relatively poor district to relatively poor parents (to give you some idea my first birthday present was a box of JAFFA CAKES (and my brother Martin stole them and ate them too!).

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Still, can't complain! Mum and Dad (Jean and David) did the best they could and they worked hard and looked after my brother and me well.

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Unfortunately though, before I could really get to know my parents they both died (mum went in to a diabetic coma that she never woke up from - aged 58 and dad died of cancer 2 years later - aged 62).

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After a rather unpromising career with the Co-Op funeral service I wandered from job to job until I finally discovered that I had an aptitude for computers which is what I've been doing (latterly as a maternity manager looking after the machine that goes 'ping' (hope there's a few Monty Python fans reading this!).

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As for my books - an undertaker, a vigilante, a stand-up comedian, 9 operations, nearly died at least twice! I just HAD to write some of this down!